trying every day..

to fight off the crazy within. Sometimes I say that in jest but today I'm feeling a little melancholy or something. I'm sure I have a thousand bad pictures to choose from to post, but I'll skip it today. I just caught up on some blogs after way to long and even longer on the private ones. One talked about acceptance, I liked it. I've been struggling lately. I don't really like my life some days. Some days I can't imagine a better one. I feel I've been blessed. I've had the chance to see and live new places, meet wonderful and interesting people wherever I go. Some have influenced me more than they can ever know. The women I have met are serving and kind. Fun and creative. I'm amazed at my talented friends. Some are amazing decorators or photographers or cooks and some are just good at being a friend. So that always makes me wonder, where do I fit in? I've asked myself this question most of my life. I think it stemmed from being the only red head in the family. I'm ok with my hair now, in fact I love it. But it grew into so much more. I've struggled for acceptance since fifth grade. Gosh I didn't realize I could pinpoint it like that. But that is when it started; the horrible comparison game. She has breasts, she has straight teeth, she has a tan. Well some boobs grew, braces did their job and freckles resulted in place of a tan. I don't compare so much anymore, I don't feel I have as much to prove as I did in school. It's not a competition anymore, sad thing is, my competitors didn't even know they were in the race. So that is how it all started, but now I'm having a hard time fitting at home. After a third baby, a move, a much bigger house to clean, a new job, kindergarten, a regressed potty trainee... things have been a bit more difficult for me. Fighting off the everyday crazy has been harder and harder to do. I decided to seek counseling. Something I've wanted for a while, because I think it can help me. This week I'll have a medical evaluation, and while I'm afraid of what she'll say, I have to accept the fact that I need help. I can't go on feeling the way I feel. It isn't healthy- for me or my relationships in life. I'm sorry this post is so depressing and after I post it I'll probably feel even more an outcast. Not many talk about the crazy within, maybe it's because not many feel it the same way. I'm not really sure. But this is my blog, and I'll post on it what I feel. After all honesty is the best policy, right?

Ok, so I realized no one has seen my beautiful house. So I added a picture and we can end this on a good note.

how do you make it seem so easy?

I mean how do some of you moms blog so often? You are amazing! I have a friend who just moved and blogged while traveling! How? I can't even blog at home. Anyway, things have been getting back to what the new normal is, I guess? I mean everything is new. New house, new school, new baby, new job, new calling in church (enrichment leader). I'm even trying to make new foods. Chris was complaining that I have cooked the same food for 6 years. My argument - I COOK! Anyway, I am tired of my food too. My cousin has a cooking blog, you should try her creamy Italian chicken recipe. It is delicious! And it's a wonderful crock pot meal, I think those are the best. You should try some of her other recipes too, I also made pizza! Yum. The month so far:

The Papa's and Colter. They were here for the blessing. My mom was too but my camera seemed to be missing that whole weekend.While they were here we went to see the arch! It is just huge. And the kids pretended to like each other while we were there.

Canyon is playing T-ball this summer and while he is playing Sheridan rolls around in the dirt, literally. T-ball is funny. Just like any pee-wee sport all the kids chase the ball and half of the parents are standing on the field trying to keep the peace and some organization. Canyon has confused T-ball with soccer and tackle football both this season.

Sheridan and I stay home and make treats while canyon is at school. I know she is just the cutest girl but things have been a little more rough now that Canyon isn't home to blame things on.

This guy eats like a champ (maybe its all the rice krispie treats I'm eating). He may have started my smallest but he is quickly making up for it. At one month he was already 10-10. At that rate he will pass up his very big brother's growth rate very quickly. I love the little chubber.

the first month

week one.
everything is great, Chris has to work for the first couple of days but amazing church sisters take care of Canyon and Sheridan. Canyon turns 5! He is so big. Chris takes the kids to fireworks show and the 4th of July happens. The Hospital gives Chris a week for paternity leave. No big adventures or surprises, I'm on the mend.

week two.
Gramma J comes to town and takes care of everything. I mean really, plants flowers, paints bedrooms, makes quilts, does laundry. The woman is absolutely amazing. We find things like "oops" paint at home depot and Lowe's for $5 a gallon and have two bathrooms and the kids rooms painted. And we re-floor one bathroom, I love peel and stick vinyl, so great! So I'm healing just fine. Colter has already gained a pound and a half. Chris is also working very hard on the house and kids are loving that grandma is here. They all go to the amazing free zoo together and have a blast.

week three.
G-ma is still here; great! Still taking care of me and the kids. Canyon starts KINDERGARTEN. Oh yeah, the big K. I can't believe I'm old enough to have a kid in school. It weirds me out. First day of school Colter gets a fever. Bad news. New infants get admitted immediately into hospital for 24-48 hrs. They get blood cultures, urinalysis, and spinal tap automatically. So we spend 24 hrs in a hospital, all tests come back normal. Doc says it's a virus, you can go home. Sheridan gets a fever. She gets Tylenol and gets over it within a day too. Chris is back too work and I'm doing fine too.

week four.
Canyon seems to be enjoying school, Sheridan is trying to adjust to a new way of life around the house. Grandma went home. I get a fever, well I must have finally got what the other two had. Next day I can't get out of bed, not just a fever, must be the flu, ugh. Time passes on and week 5 is quickly approaching and I still has a fever, and other various flu symptoms, but its never lasted this long. Chris wants me to get better, he hates taking care of everything and me all at once. Finally Colter is exactly one month old and I'm going to the doctor. Not a flu, kidney infection, go the the ER. I'm dehydrated and they keep sticking me with needles to find a vein. They take my blood give me anti-nausea meds, antibiotics and lots of fluids. Now I can go home and get better. Wait, hold the phone! Doc calls, all my blood cultures come back positive. So now I sit at this computer with a full blown E-coli infection of the blood, hypothermia is a symptom of being septic, that's what they call it when you have dirty blood. So I'm sitting at a nice 95 F . I'm actually getting better, hypo is better than a fever so they assume my antibiotics are treating and beating it.

Needless to say it has been a full month. And hopefully you'll forgive me for not posting sooner.

I guess you never know

Chris and I were pretty sure this baby was going to be a girl. In fact Chris was so sure that I couldn't even get him to discuss boys names. Hence the poll on the side of the page. I have now witnessed something I never thought I would, Chris- absolutely speechless - when our second son came into this world!
A boy! His name is Colter Sky Allphin (I know it wasn't in the poll). He came to us June 27 at 4:58 am. He was 7 lbs and 21 in long. Just a skinny little thing. So far he sleeps a lot and hasn't realized that he can be happy when he is awake. I'm sure he'll figure it out.

for those in the know

4cm and 80%. Baby, it's time! We are almost half way there already! Why are you not listening to your mom's body? How long can you stay in my belly at this rate? Stop being so stubborn, you aren't even here yet and we are already at odds. You must be a girl.

And do any of you remember that little chantey from back in the day? "my back aches, my bra's to tight, my butt shakes from left to right" Sometimes that comes into my head as I'm walking around and I think; why did I sing that in elementary school? It really applies now.

fat and lazy

I know I said I would blog more and so much fun is happening around here but really, I'm finally taking the time to be fat and lazy. Chris said it was ok that I finally do that. I'm too lazy to walk up the stairs right now and get the camera to upload pictures. I know where it is, I just don't want to go, I mean I already walked down them, and don't intend to do that again tonight.

The kids have been having fun playing with the neighbors. We live on culdesac and all the neighbors have kids and they come and knock on the door every night at dinner time; motivation for the kids to eat and then they get worn out before bed, it's wonderful! Running in the sprinkler and playing on the new swingset are also providing good times right now.

Which brings up my fun (Chris finds most of it). Everyone has garage sales here. Every weekend right now, before it gets too humid and gross. We also love craigslist, what people can't sale on Saturday ends up listed on Sunday or Monday!! But by spending around $150 we have gotten, a bench freezer, lawn mower, large wood swingset (free), wooden porch swing, wing back chair, end table (free), lamps (free), toy box, house phones, nightstand, twin bed, free weights (free), bookshelf, and a grill (free). There is probably more, but my pregnant brain cannot wrap it's mind around it right now. Some of the free stuff comes from when you hit up the garage sales as they are putting it all away around noon. The grill we passed with a "free" sign on it on our way to a garage sale, where we got the twin bed. The swingset came from a neighbor who helped us unload the freezer and said, "Oh I was going to post my swingset on craigslist tomorrow, you want it?" Rhetorical question. Who doesn't want a free swingset?

Anyway, I'm just hoping the baby comes soon, my body is done, even if I'm still freaking out about three kids (aaagh). I think I'm getting a cold or maybe allergies, and I'm hoping that one good sneeze will come along a break my water. But it will probably be much farther after my due date of July 1st that I finally post what I had. Well here comes a good contraction, hope for me!

We survived!

We survived moving out of our apartment, into my parents house, a trip to Boston and a drive to Missouri in a matter of two weeks. The kids seem happy too. I 'm not sure how we pulled that one off.
I have to thank my sis-in-law Heather for cleaning my apt with me, she is amazing. Then we stayed with my parents for a few days, I don't think it went too bad, I hope they think the the same.

Then we had an amazing trip to Boston for Chris' Graduation. It was so special and even though we couldn't afford to go, I'm so glad we did. It really made everything final and was a very nice close to the whole schooling thing. We also got to see people we hadn't seen for a couple years and got to see Boston's historical sights. In one trip we traveled on planes, trains, automobiles, subways, and even a duck (ww2 truck/boat). There were all sorts of things to see, hear, taste and smell. We had tons of fun with the In-laws (thanks for the duck tour), and I'm so glad I got to go with the big belly.

Then we had to drive for 24 hours to Missouri, I got pretty grumpy for some of it but it's all OK, and the kids were amazing. My aunts, and one of Chris's too put together travel bags, with movies, money, coloring books, pjs and new toys. The bags were so great! That was such a terrific gift. My dad and mom hauled all our crap out here, and I can never thank them enough for all they do for us.

So far our house is a much bigger project that we remembered it being. It started with cleaning because the people didn't clean it before they left. We had the carpets cleaned yesterday. Yeah! And an electrician came and gave us quotes today, ouch. My dad kindly reminded me of that movie Money Pit, thanks Dad! I don't think it will be that bad, but we are also getting a mower today and probably plants for the garden. $$ So I haven't taken pictures yet as no large projects have started but wish I had with the carpets, they look 95% better and are sanitized which makes me feel better. I cannot wait to paint! I know it isn't as bad as some houses (sorry Mel) but I get grossed out looking at dirty wall paper and spackled spots. I will take any suggestions you have on painting large rooms with vaulted ceilings, I really have no taste.

Well I should be blogging more now, no more working and a few weeks before baby #3. We still don't know what we are having! Any guesses?