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Saturday, June 26, 2010

struggling

i feel like i've been struggling lately. it's been over a month since i've posted. we had some really good time with my parents who came for a week. It was wonderful. we had loads of fun and the kids and i all basked in the glory of their attention. once they left it kind of sucked.
the doctor has been working non-stop. it's taking it's toll on us all. including him. it's been rough. his transition month from lowly intern resident to a second year has been very taxing on us both. the hours are ridiculous. he's doing triple the work that he did in the same rotation a year ago. and working every weekend. I want you all to understand that chris gets paid salary for a 40 hour work week. this month has been full of 84+ hour work weeks. no overtime, so we get nothing extra for his work. a typical week is 60+. that i can live with. that means i have the same work week with three kids by myself. it's rough. i know, some people might judge and say i chose this lifestyle for myself. i know my kids are a blessing, not a hindrance. i'm doing much better at recognizing that. but i'm telling you, this sucks. i feel weighed down and like i am barely scraping by. i'm trying to stay busy outside the house so 1. i don't have to deal with the house and 2. i don't have to think about how lonely (and disastrous) it is here. I feel sorry for chris that he has to come home to either his zombie bride or the psycho mom most days. I know it will pass. i mean this month is almost over.
two birthday's are coming within days for my boys. i want so much to be happy and celebrate. but i'm having a hard time finding the gusto to even think of, let alone decorate, a cake. something i love to do.
this is depressing. i know. i'm depressed. i needed to vent. i feel an ounce better. maybe.

3 comments:

Scott & Heather said...

Scott has been working like that for the past 7 weeks. Luckily he has had some Sundays off. I would like to say I'm used to it and for the most part I deal ok with it some days cause I know there isn't anything I can do about it. But it is hard. I'm worried about bringing another baby into the chaos. But I always try and look at the good. He has a great job with a really good boss that treats him very well. Scott does everything he can to make up for the time he's gone, when he is actually home. The kids miss him like crazy, so do I. But I can relate to what your going threw. I feel very thankful that my mom lives in Gilbert now. She has been a HUGE help with Dr appts and support for the days I'm going crazy and can go to her house and hang out for some adult conversation. But anyways, hang in there! Someday you'll be a rich doctors wife and we will all hate you ha ha I'm just joking. But really good luck. Love you. I know I can't do much from way over in Az but you can definitely call me anytime just to talk and complain. I'm sure ill have some complaints for you as well.

Lott crew said...

I so understand Lacey and MY LIFE is easier than yours cuz my kids are older! Jason has been working like that for the last 2 months and it is a struggle...of loneliness and a longing for sanity. And there will be a time that you will look back and say "WOW I am tough---I handled that with no major incidents and am a better person for it" Hang in there...YOU are not alone!

Karabear said...

This Lacy, is a good time to think about the future. Yes, it is horribly miserable right now. But going through this - you will better be able to appreciate the free time he WILL have eventually. Just imagine the work weeks like Uncle Terry has (not to mention the money). I'm proud of you for hanging in there! Feel free to vent - afterall, it's what we are all here for. I just wish that I could help. Maybe a trip to St. Louis is in order after Yellowstone? We love and miss you guys. Hang in there!