struggling

i feel like i've been struggling lately. it's been over a month since i've posted. we had some really good time with my parents who came for a week. It was wonderful. we had loads of fun and the kids and i all basked in the glory of their attention. once they left it kind of sucked.
the doctor has been working non-stop. it's taking it's toll on us all. including him. it's been rough. his transition month from lowly intern resident to a second year has been very taxing on us both. the hours are ridiculous. he's doing triple the work that he did in the same rotation a year ago. and working every weekend. I want you all to understand that chris gets paid salary for a 40 hour work week. this month has been full of 84+ hour work weeks. no overtime, so we get nothing extra for his work. a typical week is 60+. that i can live with. that means i have the same work week with three kids by myself. it's rough. i know, some people might judge and say i chose this lifestyle for myself. i know my kids are a blessing, not a hindrance. i'm doing much better at recognizing that. but i'm telling you, this sucks. i feel weighed down and like i am barely scraping by. i'm trying to stay busy outside the house so 1. i don't have to deal with the house and 2. i don't have to think about how lonely (and disastrous) it is here. I feel sorry for chris that he has to come home to either his zombie bride or the psycho mom most days. I know it will pass. i mean this month is almost over.
two birthday's are coming within days for my boys. i want so much to be happy and celebrate. but i'm having a hard time finding the gusto to even think of, let alone decorate, a cake. something i love to do.
this is depressing. i know. i'm depressed. i needed to vent. i feel an ounce better. maybe.